What's in a name?

When I told my children I was going to write a blog, my 19 year old daughter's reaction was a simple texted reply,  "OMG". My almost 17 year old son's response was, "don't write about me", and the 14 year old just gave me a look that only 14 year old boys can give.  I will say, he was willing to help me set up the whole thing if I needed help. After promising not to write about them, or anything else "stupid", it's been a non-issue for everybody but me. The reason for this blog and specifically the name all has to do with my job.

My life has changed in the last few years. The reasons are many, and yet, all the same. I am a nurse. To be exact, I am a hospice nurse. I’m not one of those angels that comes to the bedside and eases suffering and gives emotional support at the very end of a life, but I am the nurse that makes all of those things possible. I am the one the patient and/or family meets with after they have spoken to the doctor and heard those terrible words, "there's nothing else we can do". When I meet a patient or family we are strangers. After spending a few hours with them, I know medical history, financial information, including all their financial problems, I know about their family interactions, good and bad. I know more about them than most of their closest friends probably know.  Everyone is dying, these are the people that have a better idea of when that will be. Their reactions, their loved ones reactions, these are the things that make an impression on a person, on me. I meet the most interesting people all the time and I will tell their stories.

The things I've learned since I started this job are what prompted the title for this blog. I've had many revelations in the past few years. Some pleasant, others, practical, but I hope they have all made me a better person. Everyday is a confirmation of what a really blessed life I have. I am healthy, my husband and children are healthy. I am very thankful. Expectations, the people I see everyday have so many expectations. They have expectations that we will keep them out of pain, that they won't have to go thru it alone, that they won't be too much of a burden on the people they love, oh so many expectations. Seeing what these people are going through, honestly, sometimes scares me. I have expectations too. I don't want to ever go through what these people are going through, obviously. I don't want anyone I know, or love to go through these things. That leads me right back to the revelation that there are a lot of things I have control over. I will do what I need to do to stay healthy. There are also things that only God has control over. I believe that. That is my confirmation that all will proceed exactly as it is supposed to. My expectations that I will deal with whatever comes my way keep me motivated to kind of pay that forward.


**Please know, at no time will I ever speak of any of these people by name or violate their privacy. My stories will be to honor them and tell how their lives have touched mine.